I enjoy mowing the lawn.
I find relaxation atop my Home Depot Orange simplicity lawn tractor. I steer with my right hand and I drink a non-alcoholic beer with my left. I navigate my odd geometrically shaped, sloping terrain backyard using a new mowing path each and every time out. I usually end up cutting the same area over and over again due to the odd shape of my lawn in order to cut every last blade.
Even though I recut the same section several times, in an effort to get to the various nook and cranny that is my yard, I find mowing productive.
I know where I’ve been and I know where I have yet to go. I usually forget to go to a couple places and my loving wife points those out immediately upon my retiring the tractor for the day.
I battle trees and slopes and brush and dog poop each time I mow.
The other day I battled a beast.
A burrowing animal, be it a squirrel or a chipmunk, dug a small, 2 inch diameter hole in the middle of my back yard. That hole became a great location for a group of bees to call home. Not knowing that they were living subterranean I rolled over them with my tractor. My expose legs, due to my shorts, and exposed torso, I am am adonis like God when I ride my tractor without my shirt, were prime targets for those pesky critters reenacting the bombing of Pearl Harbor.
I am surprised they, like the neighbor a were not turned odd by my overweight body glistening in the summer sun.
Sweat dripping off my man boobs.
After being stung multiple times I realized what had happened.
I’ve encountered hives like this in the past on this property. Same results.
I jumped off the tractor. It immediately coming to a halt. I flapped my arms, screamed like a little girl, ran around the yard like my hair was on fire and I’m sure I was quite the sight for my wife, children and neighbours watching the tales of a middle-aged, over educated, underemployed, middle-aged dad mowing his non geometrically shaped yard as he battles a subterranean home of killer bees.
Sounds like a Fox mini series to me.
I must get started on the pilot.
Posted by a Frequent Flyer to Hell and Back using his Phone. Cool!