Sex is Instinctual, RIGHT?

So the other day a counselor friend of mine was sharing with me the tale of a newly married couple who visited due to infertility issues. During their initial visit, the counselor inquired about their medical history and baby making techniques. Wonderful. This is why I do not do couple’s counseling.

He learned that his inexperienced couple did not know that an ejaculation was required to conceive a child.


Who is that stupid?

Sex is like riding a bike. You mount, pedal, get speed going, achieve balance and’re doing it.

I just about busted a gut when my counselor friend attempted to sell this unbelievable story to me. My friend reminded me of my tale of a recently incarcerated check cashing moron who attempted to end it all by drowning in a cop shop public toilet. Ok, there are some weird-assed urban myths in the psychological industry.

This couple thought, due to bad theology, horrible parents who never had “the talk”, a secondary education offered at home without sex ed, that penetration was all that was needed to conceive. Wow. Good thing Adam and Eve instinctively knew more that this couple or there’d be plenty of prime real estate in the garden with no buyers.

Apples to apples Adam and eve knew penetration was act one not the entire show.

I get that a couple due to upbringing and faith perspectives can be misinformed about such matters of procreation.

I took a couple of how to classes at Home Depot before I remodeled my bathroom. Learning techniques and knowing the proper tools to use and how to use them makes any job doable and enjoyable.

Perhaps the married couple may have never seen the act of love-making simulated on a tv show or movie. Then porno, the true instruction manual, is out of the question in terms of ever being viewed.

Even with no reference point, no kind of instruction, is not the bumping and grinding, the motion of the ocean, almost inherent? Natural? Instinctual?

I have never had ball room dancing class; yet I can dance. Sort of. I bump and grind. Just turn on tunes and I start jamming. I look like that gopher from CADDYSHACK but it is still dancing. The white man’s over-bite is my dance move.

It’s natural, instinctual.

Just like how I make love.

Why My Wife Finds Me Annoying

The other day my wife and I were having lunch. Part of our conversation focused on my wife actually believing, if you can imagine, that I am annoying. What?! Me, annoying. No way.

She told me she has two primary reason why I am annoying. Number 1: I tend to be a know it all. Jezz, really? And number 2: I need to be right all of the time.

I pointed out her possible hypocrisy hidden her own reasons for why I am annoying. If I am a know it all and need to be right all the time is THAT not exactly what she was doing as we enjoy your lunch at Panera Bread? She of course disagreed and suggested I am a doing that know it all thing again and am becoming annoying.

My wife, God love her, is not entirely wrong. I do need to be right. I enjoy being right. There is power in being right. There is self-worth and self-esteem and self-confidence associated with being right. And who can’t use a little self-esteem these days?

And what’s wrong with being smart? What is so bad with knowing stuff. My wife tells me all of the time I am too smart for my current job and that I should be on tv and radio. Hmmm. Seems my know it all persona came benefit her in certain situations. Like so much of life the view of things is driven bu where you stand.

For me there’s a world of difference between being right and how you go about sharing with the world that you are right. This must be with the know-it-all piece comes into play for my wife. Knowing ia good. Cocky and brash self promotion of your accuracy seems to piss most people off. And thus diminish the power of being smart and correct. Crap! I hate complicated interpersonal interactions. People and relationships are so much work.

Because I’m not very tactful, because I am a pot stirring satirist, because I like to get people to respond, because I poke people to get them to react I have a tendency to share my correctness, politically or otherwise, with the world in a rather cocky and, at times, arrogant way. I admit it. I can be an asshole. A smart AND correct one; and am asshole nevertheless. If I want to be smart, accurate and still connect to people, I have to work on my approach. Better to be humble some.

Crap! I hate when I am right.

Adversity Teflon: Resiliency

In the psychological industry, resiliency is a big topic of discussion. Resiliency is the ability to persevere through stressful times and overcome adversity (a.k.a. the bullshit of life).

Why are some people able to adapt, overcome and move away from the epicenter of a major life event while others become a spineless pile of flesh.

Why do some people hold supports groups with Jose, Jack, Jim and Captain Morgan and others go to church?

Why do some people dig a hole and crawl in and others appear to be wearing a teflon suit?

For me, as a frequent flyer to Hell and back who has overcome and persevere in my own teflon suit, resiliency is a skill and a state of mind.

As we live life, experience things, are asked to adapt to and overcome adversity, we learn only how to do “it” AND we learn how to do “it” more and more efficiently. Your first remodeling project at home is not nearly as “good” as your last. You improved your home improvement skills. You are a better carpenter, tiler, drywaller, painter and finisher.

Also, as you learn and improve your adversity skills, your brain recalls the “success” you had last time you had to cope with the bullshit of life and your mind interprets that information as a “we got this” message and meaning. Confidence in your skills to overcome adversity is the secret tailor who behind the scenes sews your teflon suit.

At the end of the day, resiliency is a skill I and many others have developed due only to the fact that I and others have had to overcome adversity, adapt to, cope with and heal from with bullshit of life. Resiliency can not be crafted in counseling. It is crafted on the streets of life.

Second, one must heal and thus implement psychological fitness skills when adapting and coping. Then, one must evaluate those skills as being efficient and effective. When needed, you modify your skills to improve efficiency and efficacy. If the evaluation is positive, then confidence in being able to mange life and deal with stress increases.

Your teflon suit is now ready for ware.

Just Good 2 B Outside

Yesterday, I spent three hours standing trackside awaiting my son’s 800 meter event. He is in middle school. Three hours. Standing. Nuts right?!

Three hours of zero productivity, other than a few emails and texts, I did absolutely nothing. Nothing. And it wad glorious.

I just stood. And watched the events ad they unfolded.

I stood and listened to the inane banter or other parents, who barely know each other yet engaged in “polite conversation” to pass the time. Conversation about their kids on the trak and field, kids not in attendance and those kid’s ballett or gynmastics progress, “that odd neoghbor” thay noone can figure out and the occasional phone call from one or the other’s spouce about what’s for dinner. Mind numbing normalcy of a life I am glad I don’t lead.

I stood in the occasional rain shower. No umbrella. Wet hair and glasses.

I stood in the sunshine amd warmed my polar vortex frozen soul. Dried my hair and glasses.

I stood and just simply enjoyed not having to be anywhere in particular, noy having to do anything in particular and the weather.

I stood and killed three hours and communicated to my son I am proud of you and support you.

It was perfect.

Three hours!

God, Alcohol & Sobriety, YEAH BABY!

Best of The Bob Zima Show Podcast:

On the weekends, I highlight shows from the past week of podcast episodes.

Today’s show and podcast looks at the notion of spirituality, in my case Christianity, as it relates to the process of overcoming & recovering from drug addiction and alcoholism. I also look at the notion of whether total sobriety and attendance in 12-Step programs such as AA assist people in healing from the devastation and life storms know as addictions.

Listen to this podcast episode: God, Alcohol & Sobriety, YEAH BABY!