Start of the 3rd Period

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wpid-20140328_184411.jpgAlthough I am well aware of where I am at, time wise, in the game of life, I still believe that there is plenty of time remaining to reach all of my dreams. Including the dreams I have held for over 30 years.

After all, if I am to live, as I hope, into my late 80s, then I have at least another 35 to 39 years remaining in the game of life.

That’s well over 33 percent or at least one period of hockey.

Every great game features an awesome third period.  You can’t win or loose the game in the first or second period. In the third period tension, anticipation ans excitement build.

So, here is to making history and dreams come true and a genuinely fabulous third period.

Posted by a Frequent Flyer to Hell and Back using his Phone. Cool!

Whine, Bitch, Moan or Be an Adult?

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Here’s a little tip for the day:

As good as it feels to stomp your feet, shake your fist at the sky, howl at the the moon, bitch and moan, complain and be the world’s largest pain in the ass…you are still an adult and need to act that way.

The problem with having a psychology degree and a clinical license is that I am mindful of the fact that I need to be an adult.

When my mind is full of lots of bullshit of life facts and issues, I just want to stomp my feet and act like a two-year old in order to get what I want.

The problem is I am aware of the fact that this is childish and also insightful that it only leads to more problems.

There are times I could go back to my blissfully ignorant days. When I used to drink and drug and believe that was a profound way of dealing with my stress. I’d love to go back to the times when I would power up over people and manipulate them in an effort to get what I want and not feel guilty or shameful about my behavior.

The days before insight and awareness.
The glory days of my life when I was able to do anything I wanted and didn’t feel the consequences.

But no!

I had to grow up!

I had the audacity to go to school and get a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and then pass an exam so that I could be a licensed clinical counselor and now I can’t hide in my blissful ignorance.

I actually have to act like an adult.

I have to take personal responsibility for my life and the choices I make!

Crap.

I want to build or buy a time machine and take myself back to those blissfully ignorant days of self-indulgence. Then again maybe if I lie down this feeling will just go away and I’ll be okay with being an adult again. Or I can still have a childlike heart but make adult like decisions.

Posted by a Frequent Flyer to Hell and Back using his Phone. Cool!

Backyard Battles

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I enjoy mowing the lawn.

I find relaxation atop my Home Depot Orange simplicity lawn tractor. I steer with my right hand and I drink a non-alcoholic beer with my left. I navigate my odd geometrically shaped, sloping terrain backyard using a new mowing path each and every time out. I usually end up cutting the same area over and over again due to the odd shape of my lawn in order to cut every last blade.

Even though I recut the same section several times, in an effort to get to the various nook and cranny that is my yard, I find mowing productive.

I know where I’ve been and I know where I have yet to go. I usually forget to go to a couple places and my loving wife points those out immediately upon my retiring the tractor for the day.

I battle trees and slopes and brush and dog poop each time I mow.

The other day I battled a beast.

A burrowing animal, be it a squirrel or a chipmunk, dug a small, 2 inch diameter hole in the middle of my back yard. That hole became a great location for a group of bees to call home. Not knowing that they were living subterranean I rolled over them with my tractor. My expose legs, due to my shorts, and exposed torso, I am am adonis like God when I ride my tractor without my shirt, were prime targets for those pesky critters reenacting the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

I am surprised they, like the neighbor a were not turned odd by my overweight body glistening in the summer sun.

Sweat dripping off my man boobs.

Ahhhh.

After being stung multiple times I realized what had happened.

I’ve encountered hives like this in the past on this property. Same results.

I jumped off the tractor. It immediately coming to a halt. I flapped my arms, screamed like a little girl, ran around the yard like my hair was on fire and I’m sure I was quite the sight for my wife, children and neighbours watching the tales of a middle-aged, over educated, underemployed, middle-aged dad mowing his non geometrically shaped yard as he battles a subterranean home of killer bees.

Sounds like a Fox mini series to me.

I must get started on the pilot.

Posted by a Frequent Flyer to Hell and Back using his Phone. Cool!

Tales of a Know-It-All Pompous Ass

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64933_1390719339476_7201192_nCatch a “Best of” from The Bob Zima Show episode.

On this episode I discuss the notion of living with, loving or being the “expert.” I HATE when I become “the expert.” I hate when I need others to kiss my ass and tell me I am awesome. Why do I do that?

What about you? Do you do that? Do you live with a self-proclaimed expert, a pompous prognosticator and just want to just punch them in the face or kick them in the balls? Then you need to listen to…

Tales of a Know-It-All Pompous Ass which aired on 07/25 by Bob Zima in Comedy Podcasts.

The Adventures of Carpet Man & Boy Remnant

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1122112031Missed this radio show and podcast episode?

Check it out now!

I discussed the adventures we all face when we let people walk all over us? How can we really be heroes when the dirt and muck and grime from other people’s souls are wiped all over us?

Find out!

Listen to The Adventures of Carpet Man & Boy Remnant aired on 08/20 by Bob Zima in Comedy Podcasts.