Ice is Kind of a Given

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Permission to reprint granted by Michelle, office administrator, Pelican Hockey Club.

Memo from the Office of the Pelicans

To: Bob Zima, Owner
From: Bobby Billschiester, Pelican Head Coach.
Re.: Ice Surface

Dear Mr. Zima,

With all due respect and understanding that you just only bought the team last week, we need a critical item for the rink: ICE.

At the present time, the team can not run fukk speed drills or host scrimmages due to a lack of an ice surface.

Currently we are performing walk or run throughs on the concrete surface of the stadium. Players are using street hockey gear (rollerblades and ball pucks). Although this is a satisfactory solution for the walk throughs for the moment…ice and an ice resurfacer is needed soon.

I would like to run full speed drills and host some scrimmages in the coming weeks.

Our ice guru says it will take 4 days to lay the ice surface .Then, due to the condition of our current ice resurfacer we need to repair and/or purchase a new unit.

I’d be happy to meet with you concerning this issue. Practices are daily from 930 to 1130 and again 230 to 430 with film reviews at 100.

Sincerely,

Bobby Bullschiester
Pelican Head Coach

Posted by a Frequent Flyer to Hell and Back using his Phone. Cool!

Church at Pelican Rink

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Posted Courtesy of Tempesta di Merda Times

Bob Zima, Owner of the Pelicans and Rink

Bob Zima, Owner of the Pelicans and Rink

Just released from the front office of The Tempesta di Merda Pelicans, Bobby Salvation, a recent graduate of the Trinity Central-Western Florida Theological School of The Divinity, and Bob Zima, owner of the Pelicans and Pelican Ice Rink, have arrived an an agreement that allows Salvation to plant a new church at the rink.

“Shortly after I signed the paperwork that made me the owner of the team and the rink, I was contacted by an eager and energetic would-be pastor who wanted to discuss using the rink as a church on Sunday mornings,” reported Zima. He stated that he and Salvation met at The Grumpy Gator Cafe’ for lunch and discussed Salvation’s ideas which led to a gentleman’s agreement that would give Salvation’s new church a home at Pelican Rink.

“I believe that I am called by God to bring the Good News of the gospel to those who love to swig beer and shout taunts during ice hockey games on Saturday night”, said Salvation. He is a NHL former hockey player who, after a several attempts at rehabbing his own addictions and anger issues found Jesus while knocking around the minor league ranks during the twilight of his career. Once his playing days were over, he funded his bible school through a short order cook position at Denny’s. He met his wife, Sylvia, who was a hostess, at the restaurant. She was his first conversion and the rest is history stated the couple.

Although plans are just underway, Salvation is considering offering a bible study at 9:30 am and then a worship service at 11:00 am. Services will be offered in the main rink area while the bible studies will take place in the visitor’s locker rooms (men’s bible group) and the Pelican’s locker room (woman’s bible group).

Salvation’s focus is to bring people who are not familiar with God or a faith community together on Sundays in an effort to establish an Acts 2 like church.

Yep, Broke My Foot Having Sex

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cropped-64933_1390719339476_7201192_n.jpgAbout three months ago, I was making love to my hot, sexy wife. I enjoy this activity. ALOT! It’s my exercise, “sexercise.” I don’t really engage in physical activity much.

As is the case in our home, and I suppose in the homes of those with pets, martial intimacy and activity is shared with a large Newf-adore and a faux Great Pyrenees. Our boudoir is small. Hey, I’m not wealthy. At least yet. With the bed and dogs there is very little floor space of which one can leverage one’s body while engaging in the most natural, instinctual and fun behaviors we human beings have been given by God.

During the passion of adult oriented activities, I re-positioned myself.for a better “angle”, I stepped over and around a dog lounging on the floor. The maneuver, awkward at best, led to a twisting of my foot and a shriek-like moan and a 5.5 from the Russian and French judges.

“Done already”, my wife said with genuine surprise in her voice.

“God No! I twisted my foot.”

She laughed.

I winced.

She continued to laugh. For three months as I hobbled about the house.

“Go to the doctor”, she suggested; each time that suggestion getting more and more stern.

“Why, so they can tell me I strained my foot?” I didn’t want to tell the doc that sex became a full-contact sport for me. “I’d rather have hurt my foot playing hockey.”

“You don’t play hockey”, my wife added. “You are old and think you are still a twenty-two year old punk.”

She’s right. What we used to do all night now takes all night to do.

I went to the doc. They took an x-ray and referred me to a podiatrist.

“Go to the podiatrist”, my wife said.

“Why, my primary doc said that it wasn’t broken. Why pay fifty bucks to have someone tell me ‘it’s strained. Ice, ibuprofen and rest?'”

My wife shook her head in disgust and dismay.

Then, last Friday, my tractor busted-AGAIN. I had to mow my lawn using the walk-behind mower. By the end of the run my foot was throbbing. I hobbled for two days lagging behind my wife everywhere we went.

The podiatrist visit confirmed: It is broken. I need an MRI. I have a sports-like injury thanks to sex.

My wife has not stopped laughing.

Change of Shifts

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1111012016After ten years in the counseling field, I am going into intermission two of my life and will change game plans for the third period.

After early mornings in the ERs, late nights in Cop Shops (cool way to say police station) and unusual meetings in private homes completing psychiatric emergency assessments, I am moving on.

After years of curriculum designing and program writing, workshop and seminar facilitation, clinical supervision and group counseling providing (is that even a phrase), I am changing shifts.

I have purchased a minor league team called the Pelicans (an along with that comes a beat up old stadium with a restaurant and radio station as “tenants”).

I am moving to Tempesta di Merda, Florida and starting a new life and a new line of things to do. I will either be broke or rich and most likely will end up somewhere in between.

An adventure, for sure, it will be says my inner Yoda.

Stay tuned to the blog, podcast and twitter pages for more info.

Shame? I Think Not

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20140112_121403Over the past few weeks, I have had a number of clinical and “friendly” debates with colleagues and associates about shame.

You know how that works, you start to discuss a news item, human interest story or topic and suddenly it dominates your whole life.

I heard about shame at a conference on Friday and it was the primary theme of a film I watched at a film and discussion event on Sunday.

Shame, in the literature (which is a fancy way of saying all of that psycho-babble bullshit that is published in the academia setting) is described as an “affect” which again, is a fancy academic way of saying: emotion. In the not-so-stuffy real world, shame is seen as a block to personal development and achievement.

I have difficulty with shame and the notion of shame impacting behavior and personal development.

Why? Because, and this sounds really cocky, I have never responded or reacted or selected a behavior due to the emotion or affect of shame. I am too arrogant. Too blunt and brash.

For me, thoughts, our interpretations and perceptions, we generate as we live our lives and interact with the world around us fuel emotions. Thus, a cognitive process drives the affect of shame.

Case in point, if someone tells me or suggests to me (because they are a passive aggressive dork) that I am “bad” for doing or not doing something THEN I interpret or conceptualize that their evaluation of me is related to my worth AND I experience “shame” the end result is that I allow some a-hole to determine my worth.

Not a chance.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Not in my life.

I never have and never will give anyone that much power over me.

Besides, no one can ever make me, or you for that matter, think or feel anything that I (you) don’t want to think or feel. I make those decisions that lead to those affect experiences.

No one is going to determine the outcome of a behavior I have selected. My behaviors express my emotions and get my needs met. I am the one and only who can make that determination. Sure, lots of a-holes and jerks in the world will want a say in my evaluation process. They want their needs met and I am a source for that. Not at the expenses of me getting my needs met or changing the evaluation of my actions.

And don’t confuse shame for guilt either. I have definitely felt guilty. Guilt is MY evaluation of MY selected behaviors driven by my emotions fueled by MY thoughts – thoughts that I and I alone control.

And yes, my comments and thoughts are for adults. A child has difficulty not allowing an adult to attempt to shame them. In that case, the adult who is shaming is an individual full of hurt and/or fear and is taking that out on a defenseless child. That makes the adult a POS.